Touch

I went to a house party this week, right in the middle of spring break too which worked perfect (I had a lot of house work and miscellaneous chores to catch up with, not to mention a few hundred pages of reading and two exams to prep for). People were coming and going all night, there were a steady twenty or so; pool, movies, basketball on TV. Early into the evening we gathered around a long coffee table to play a few intimate games. We played some card games, we played a 'story game' each taking turns adding a passage to rotating scrap paper to read aloud as it returned to its original author. Later someone introduced a rhythm hand game.

Crossing arms with the persons to your left and right with your hands stretched out afront, palms down, the game is to keep in play by continuing the tap rhythm. There are a few different tap gestures you can do to mix it up and try to get people out and things can get quite hectic, especially if people aren't paying attention.

As I began to cross my arm with the girl to my right I felt awkward and as we touched I realized what it was; touch.

It had been so long since I had been embraced by one of my own peers, let alone touched. For years I had been left alone and it is there I confined myself. Its absence had grown so strong in me. With nothing sexual about it, simply how powerful that kind of acceptance is, she wasn't making any effort to keep away from my arm as she lay hers atop just as casual as anything else. It was nothing for her, merely some dumb game she introduced to help pass the time and a great excuse to laugh. Myself I'm going to need a good deal more of that if I'm going to break out of this and ever feel free again - what little and however briefly I knew of it.

I remember now a friend of a friend, someone I had only recently been introduced to, asking for a hug as we were heading off to our respective buses after school. I'm not sure I understand why but I had declined, she got rather upset by this and I recall her walking away. That was over nine years ago. Thinking about it today I really should have given her that hug.

peace,
~Dixon

Spring brakes

Today was the first day of spring break but no Rocky Point for me, I'm keeping myself home for the week. Actually I've quite a bit to catch up on, from schoolwork (I return from break to two back-to-back psych exams), housework and some medical issues. I was at my school library for some hours and it was eerie how quiet the campus was, I think the lack of bodies moving around helped me get a bit more work done though; no distractions.

I've a lot more I want to get finished up with this week and a house-party to look forward to half-way through, I want to get something rolling for the weekend before we go back though, it would be a shame for my break to go without at least one big event.

peace,
~Dixon

Air on skin.

I remember when it use to feel nice, something as simple as air on skin, then a light breeze would blow by and it got better. There are more things I can try and effort left to give, I want to stay positive.

It's getting into summer now and the weather's really begun to change, it's not at all bitter in the mornings, still a bit crisp but a nice crisp, getting up into the mid 80's in the afternoon. I want to get out rollerblading at night while it's nice and cool. I'm looking into a nearby aquatics center as well for it's lap pool. They also have a complete gym so if things start working well with swimming I'll be set to start lifting again. I'm hoping the work in the pool will help strengthen my joints up.

Life will still be rough for awhile, but I've turned it around before. I need to set my mind to it and I know I can do it.

peace,
~Dixon