Thursday, May 03, 2007

Reverse ESL

For sometime now I've wanted to pick up a second language, I feel I need the distraction, something outside my typical classes, something 'un-attached' to the rest of my life; a people, culture, land, something different, and especially something 'clean'. The past couple months I've been thinking more and more about the missions trips Young Life does, being curious about a summer long trip to Ecuador next year as well as the early year and spring break trips to Mexico and Peru, naturally getting back into Spanish would provide a great boon should I make it on any of the trips. I've already had three years of Espanol in high school though I wasn't very studious about it, just enough to make the grade and move on. I'd start over from scratch where I'm sure I'd fly through the very beginner material. I'm having some trouble seeing Spanish as the distraction I need though, too many ties to high school and a particularly difficult time in my life, especially going into the '01-'02 year, I remember being so passionate in Ms. Kimzin's class, somehow able to find myself really caring about the language, I really don't know if I'm ready to face off with that. Also, outside of what I feel to be a vaguely possible mission trip, I really don't see any other need or want to learn the language.

Originally, when I began getting the urge to take up a secondary language, back over a year ago, I was debating between Japanese and Chinese, having long appreciated each culture, among a myriad of others, through what foreign film I managed to happen across from time-to-time. In the end I felt more inclined to learn Nihongo and scheduled a course starting this Fall.

I often go back and reconsider however, I'm still not really sure, this summer I'll look more closely at it and keep talking with my fellow club members in regards to their experiences in South America.

I have also long considered providing ESL instruction to foreigner learners, thinking it would be something I can do to volunteer without being too strenuous on me, something I can enjoy. I need to fill out some paperwork with the learning center on campus, or possibly volunteer through Maricopa Literacy Volunteers. With a bit of effort this should prove something I can do over the summer.

peace,
~Dixon

Monday, March 19, 2007

Touch

I went to a house party this week, right in the middle of spring break too which worked perfect (I had a lot of house work and miscellaneous chores to catch up with, not to mention a few hundred pages of reading and two exams to prep for). People were coming and going all night, there were a steady twenty or so; pool, movies, basketball on TV. Early into the evening we gathered around a long coffee table to play a few intimate games. We played some card games, we played a 'story game' each taking turns adding a passage to rotating scrap paper to read aloud as it returned to its original author. Later someone introduced a rhythm hand game.

Crossing arms with the persons to your left and right with your hands stretched out afront, palms down, the game is to keep in play by continuing the tap rhythm. There are a few different tap gestures you can do to mix it up and try to get people out and things can get quite hectic, especially if people aren't paying attention.

As I began to cross my arm with the girl to my right I felt awkward and as we touched I realized what it was; touch.

It had been so long since I had been embraced by one of my own peers, let alone touched. For years I had been left alone and it is there I confined myself. Its absence had grown so strong in me. With nothing sexual about it, simply how powerful that kind of acceptance is, she wasn't making any effort to keep away from my arm as she lay hers atop just as casual as anything else. It was nothing for her, merely some dumb game she introduced to help pass the time and a great excuse to laugh. Myself I'm going to need a good deal more of that if I'm going to break out of this and ever feel free again - what little and however briefly I knew of it.

I remember now a friend of a friend, someone I had only recently been introduced to, asking for a hug as we were heading off to our respective buses after school. I'm not sure I understand why but I had declined, she got rather upset by this and I recall her walking away. That was over nine years ago. Thinking about it today I really should have given her that hug.

peace,
~Dixon

Monday, March 12, 2007

Spring brakes

Today was the first day of spring break but no Rocky Point for me, I'm keeping myself home for the week. Actually I've quite a bit to catch up on, from schoolwork (I return from break to two back-to-back psych exams), housework and some medical issues. I was at my school library for some hours and it was eerie how quiet the campus was, I think the lack of bodies moving around helped me get a bit more work done though; no distractions.

I've a lot more I want to get finished up with this week and a house-party to look forward to half-way through, I want to get something rolling for the weekend before we go back though, it would be a shame for my break to go without at least one big event.

peace,
~Dixon

Friday, March 09, 2007

Air on skin.

I remember when it use to feel nice, something as simple as air on skin, then a light breeze would blow by and it got better. There are more things I can try and effort left to give, I want to stay positive.

It's getting into summer now and the weather's really begun to change, it's not at all bitter in the mornings, still a bit crisp but a nice crisp, getting up into the mid 80's in the afternoon. I want to get out rollerblading at night while it's nice and cool. I'm looking into a nearby aquatics center as well for it's lap pool. They also have a complete gym so if things start working well with swimming I'll be set to start lifting again. I'm hoping the work in the pool will help strengthen my joints up.

Life will still be rough for awhile, but I've turned it around before. I need to set my mind to it and I know I can do it.

peace,
~Dixon

Monday, February 26, 2007

Don't say goodbye.

It's difficult for me to leave people sometimes, I don't know, I guess it's like I'll never see them again, or something might happen. I feel weird, the pit of my stomach. It's as if I need something to happen to send it off well, I guess it would be different if I were living with someone I was really close to in that respect, as I would come home to them and they would be there, but somehow when I part a crowd or small group, as I did today after meeting for a club movie, I feel like I'm losing a bit of myself.

Days are up and down, the weekend started alright but I faltered by mid Sunday, sometimes I can see the best thing to do for myself but fail to follow through with going about it. I need to cultivate greater belief in myself, the idea that the pain to go through all this is less then what it would be to stay where I am.

Often I'll think of other people and their joys and it will help get me through a difficult moment, almost daydreaming or creating a scene from a movie in my mind.

I suppose things are better now then this time one year ago, I still don't recognize what I have before me as myself however, quite a long way to go, but progress is progress and I need to find contentment in that.

peace,
~Dixon

Friday, February 23, 2007

Work Work Work


This office was computer generated, could you tell?
"Office" by Jaime Vives Piqueres (2004)


I've taken up work at my school (GCC) as an office assistant through the federal work study program. It's been going alright, I have a lot more job duties then a typical office assistant, as when I started there wasn't much of an office to begin with. I've had to stock everything and now I'm working on sorting and filling a mass of paperwork for the head of the agriculture department. The gentleman I work for is a great guy but has absolutely no organizational ability whatsoever, so I'm left sorting through folders that open up to a myriad of different contents: class rosters and grade sheets in with equipment manuals, invoices and petty cash slips are stuck to minutes for conferences in Nevada and Alaska, every time I upon up a folder or interdepartmental envelope it's a surprise. It's slow, arduous, and tediously painful work, but I'm getting through it. Students working the the deportment above us, applied tech, sit there doing homework and relaxing most of their time, answering a phone or running and errand here and there when need be, but mainly they get to read their textbooks and complete class assignments. I have to get in and out of their building often and I see them there and sometimes when I do it pops up in my mind and I realize that I have a set pay amount I can earn a semester, after which point I'm technical fired, with no chance of promotion, raise, or advancement with my employment. I know I will learn a lot by working there, and I'm not about to give anything less then my best effort, I don't want to think I'm being cheated because of how difficult my job is compared to that of my peers, so I'm trying to keep a good perspective.

peace,
~Dixon

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Hostel Hopping

I met up with an old teacher today to talk about what's happened since I had his class, those first seven days I was there, five and a half years ago. We talked quite a bit over dinner, and though there were times I was asking myself to try and feel what he was saying and failing, there were a couple stand out moments where I truly could feel something.

Early on he mentioned packing up a rucksack and heading to Europe. I told him I've been thinking a lot about hostel hopping as of late. He went on to talk about what it would be to tend a vineyard in Southern France, working for room, board and a bit of pocket money. I could feel that for a moment, being there, my only worry being getting to the end of a row, picking out weeds and things that shouldn't be there, the weather, the sights, the sounds. Not too long later I was thinking of the difficulties involved, how I would store my things at home, my back and joints hurting as I tended the fields, and so on, but for a moment I was there.

I need to be somewhere with grass and trees. Greenery. I've long been wanting to move, needing to. I have to stay where I am though, for a bit longer, get a couple semesters of school in me, some cash going to me and not my family for awhile, but I just have to keep the hope and idea of getting out about me.

peace,
~Dixon