These days...I'm hurting...I lay out by a tree this evening at a school play-yard. I've made my world so small again, my pain so big I nearly forgotten how to simply step outside.
It's nice getting outside again; watching the trees move in the wind against the sunset, feeling the air against my skin as I merge with it all and in the midst of it clear my head letting the breeze blow a bit of hope inside me.
Things have been difficult; I have been in the hospital on three separate occasions this semester having been not sleeping, withdrawing all my classes for the second time now. Walking around barefoot on the too-dry-for-comfort grass wasn't bad though. I realized a few things I can do to help myself this summer - one of them was to drop the full-on pursuit of an Associates of Sciences degree and go after a teaching degree now as opposed to later.
Out of the blue I up and decided to go for a walk Tuesday, two days ago, that walk carried me around my apartments towards the back and into the school play-yard. I felt a sense of calming and relief. I'd not been out of the house in three weeks but to go to the grocery store, mail box, or garbage. Last night I happened upon a little league game taking place on one of the diamond fields and after having a good talk on my cell with a friend I had not heard from in some time I sat in to watch the rest of the game. Diamondbacks against the Dodgers, playoff game. Dodgers took it. I chatted with the league president a bit, a lovely woman by the name of Debbie. She told me about her three sons in the various divisions inside the league and about her life as a lawyer and living back East. Next game is tomorrow night same match up, I plan to go.
These days...I'm hurting...but there is hope.
God Bless,
~Chad
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